Troll Vibes

When Mainers get choleric about late fall weather

and gripe about 40 degree temps - I’m not ready for this, wah - 

an odious part of me wants to say, So, what are you fucking ready for?

It says other things too, the odious part, snarky shit, like,

Sorry you’re unhappy about this mild December day,

I’m upset I must touch pork to make a meatball.

This odious part, once it starts flexing its ugly hole, 

shouts at trashcans and bitch slaps the wind,

shares stories of mild personal conflict as savage trauma,

How my 6th grade teacher accused me of cheating at simple math -

How my period arrived on the trip to the pool and I was given pads -

How some parents prefer their pets to their kids -

But I never let troll completely off leash, and instead cluck along, 

Oh yes, so hard, winters in Maine, and it’s just beginning!

then duly lighten the mood with one of God’s great gifts,

Gorgeous, how morning dew bejewels the stands of white pine -

Incredible, how the sun illuminates the old bones of goldenrod -

but what I want is to write a feral poem about meteorological chitchat,

Shut up, you sniveling fuck, North Atlantic Oscillation

doesn’t give two shits about your need for constant sun,

and do blow your nose in any direction but my fucking face,

and while we’re at it, your fleece is covered in so much cat hair 

I’m waiting for you to find a warm spot by the window where you can

watch for birds and lick your own ass with a papillated tongue!

and once the odious poem has been written and troll is avenged,

I can brew a cup of ginger tea and wrap myself in down 

since it’s almost winter in Maine and it is very cold.