The Dishes

Everyone wants to do ayahuasca, but no one wants to do the dishes.  

When that asshole from high school says he’s living the dream, he should just admit he can’t get hard without Viagra.

If you never assume importance, you never lose it. That’s what Lao Tzu said, anyway. My mom said it too, but she screamed it.

Last night, a friend mentioned there was a person at Pride whose double d’s were covered in chest hair. Whoa! I said.

You know there’s someone out there, he said, lighting his cigarette with a baby blue lighter, who can’t wait to bury their face in those big furry titties.

The problem is, I told a different friend, is that everyone wants to bury their face in big furry titties, but no one wants to do the dishes.

Off the subject, she said, staring out the window, but sometimes I imagine my friends as babies, and then I imagine what it’s like to hold them.