Meme Poem

sorry how i acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time

was the meme shared by my most prodigious meme-harvesting friend

which I saved to my phone before returning to dumbly scroll

landing on an pumped-up ad for full-body deodorant

with volume maxed which made my heart start sprinting

causing me to close my eyes in order to engage the breathing I do

to calm the fuck down vagally-speaking when the shower started

and the pipes shuddered and my daughter broke into song

‘World Burn’ from the musical ‘Mean Girls’ which is a song

with high notes she can’t quite hit but she reaches with such conviction

the walls shake making my husband convulse with worry

that she’ll damage her vocal chords to which I snap jesuswouldyouchill

recalling how I’d become apoplectic as a kid when my brother switched the tv station

from DuckTales to WWF and body slammed all attempts at liberating the remote

and look at me baby I’m fine I’m great I tell my husband who eyes me suspiciously

since my voice cracks the moment I attempt to lift it in song but he shuffles

off to another room to chill by picking an old folk tune on the mandolin

which is an impossible instrument impossible to play impossible to ignore

the impossible instrument he practices multiple times a day a particular tune

by Chris Thile who is eye-gougingly irritating and I’m reminded of when Thile

took over for Keillor on Prairie Home Companion I almost drove my car off the road

sailed it over the edge oh my god anyone but him and his pompous hairline

and in the center of this sonic chaos my body begins to quiver at a frequency faster

than any vibrator I’ve ever owned which is a thought that elicits the sound

brrzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and suddenly I picture myself as a giant dildo

crashing around the kitchen like the dildo is human-sized with two feet

in roller skates and vibe maxed and this tube of veined flesh is flying into things

and breaking china which makes me think of a friend of mine who got so mad

at her girlfriend she gathered all of her girlfriend’s vibrators and turned them on high

and tossed them into the claw foot tub which made such a racket that her girlfriend

cried out in terror and in response my friend climbed into her truck and sped away

cackling like a patchouli witch with all the chargers stuffed in her canvas duffel

which makes me think I should avoid washing knives for now

and instead use the garbage disposal to deal with the biofilm and fruit flies

and after that I will organize the pots and pans and stake my flag in this hellscape of noise

which I’ll miss with unequivocable desperation I’m told by two different women

whose irises went from blue to grey when things got quiet